Alexa

I miss this baby girl so much already. It feels like I rarely saw her since my move across the country to Boston, but I could feel her spirit in the world, as crazy as that sounds. I suppose her spirit is still with us, as far as that goes, but not nearly as palpable. I am currently working on the video that will be playing at her funeral, and just editing the music for it has me in tears. I'm not sure how adding the photos and videos tomorrow is going to go, but I know it does not compare to the agony her parents, my sister and her husband, must be feeling. I know all the sayings about "she is in a better place" and "she doesn't have to suffer anymore"... but you know... those don't really mean much when you see her face and know that you won't see her for years and years. If you believe that you will at all, which, gratefully, I do.

Here is a re-post from Alexa's website, featuring funeral information:

We spent a nice quiet night sleeping, waking intermittently to expect Alexa to be standing there by our bedside wanting us to lift her up and put her between us on 'her pillow'.

She is all around us keeping us peaceful. Her little face shines at us wherever we go in the pictures we have up in our home. We want desperately to touch her and feel her and talk to her one last time to know she is okay. She continues to be in our hearts.

Several have asked for an address to send things to. You can send it here and the service information is below. Thank you. 11409 Lauren Way, Keller, TX 76248

The service is on Saturday:

Bear Creek Bible Church
1555 N. Tarrant Parkway
Keller, TX 76248

9-11 visitation in the chapel, Alexa's coffin will be open
11-12 service with closed coffin
at conclusion of service, we will be at the doors for good-byes
12-2 family lunch
2:00 graveside service at Grapevine Cemetery on North Dooley Street in Grapevine off of Business 114/Northwest Highway

My niece, Alexa, just died.

I can't concentrate.

If I wasn't LDS, I would be Baha'i.

"Baha'ullah wrote, 'Be anxiously concerned with the needs of the age ye live in, and center your deliberations on its exigencies and requirements.' Fundamental to Baha'i belief is the conviction that every person, every people, every nation has a part to play in building a peaceful and prosperous global society."

My niece is doing not-so-hot. I am not a big talker when things are happening in my life, but thank you all for your concern and prayers.

And it came to me then that every plan
Is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself
That I've already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes 'round and everyone lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die