My Body

I never blog. Every once in a while I feel like I should throw something up here, but most of the time, I just don't care.
I have enough crap to check off the list.

But tonight, I want to talk about my body.

Bodies, and the way we feel about them, are an interesting thing. We're always trying to modify them somehow... what we wear, what we eat, how often we work out, tattoos, piercings, whatever the case may be. Everyone has their own version of body modification.

I'm not quite sure what happened that made bodies, as they are, so awful.

I watch what I eat (Weight Watchers Unite!) and I always try to look nice, but honestly - my body is what it is. And I'm fine with that. I feel lucky to be one of the few women who are, at their core, okay with how they look. It is actually pretty funny... the body image pressures I feel are the opposite of most. I feel like I should be consistently fretting about this kind of crap. Even when I'm not. In fact, even now, I feel like I need to insert some reassuring caveat that I do care about health and looking good and blah blah. And I do. Honestly. But why do I feel pressure to add that here? To make sure that future boyfriends know I won't let myself go? I won't. But when did we start assuming that everyone would?

Forgive the public share, but I once dated someone who had major issues with my body. He was really attracted to me and thought I had a stellar personality, etc., but I didn't fit his ideal image. That is remarkably sad to me. So, so sad. The very few people that knew about this situation got somewhat outraged over it, but I didn't. It made me feel really insecure around him, obviously. But, thankfully, it didn't make me feel insecure around anyone else. Somehow I was able to compartmentalize it as a flaw in him and not a flaw in me.
Reflecting on it now, I see that as somewhat of a miracle.

All of this makes me wonder what images I have of what an ideal partner should be. I know I have plenty. I guess I demand that a man be at least as tall as me. I'm kind of unwilling to let that one go, though, so maybe its not worth analyzing.

This whole "your body is a temple" thing. I can get behind that idea. But everyone seems to think their temple is one of the small ones when it is really the San Diego one. Only Mormons will get this.
But you see my point.

I'm not editing this post. Maybe that can be my new blogging shtick. Is that how you spell that word? Shtick?
I think it just might take the pressure off.