gaugethis

WAIT! Don't walk away until you know how freaking cool I am!!

My ears are gauged to the size of a bracelet, I have 38749867 tattoos, I wear Cowboy shirts that are too tight because it's so effing emo!!!

In fact, I don't even like the way I look but all the hard core kids dress like this so I guess I MUST be cool.

I don't do anything else with my life except drink and go to shows because I have to make sure that I everyone knows I am part of the scene!!!!!

No Mom, I can't get a job or go to school full time... that would cut into the time I spend at crappy bars listening to even crappier bands with no talent! YOU JUST CAN'T MAKE ME DO THAT... it is just TOO much of a sacrifice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

elpasochristmas

I'm back from El Paso.

It was totally fun- Spent oodles of time with the family. I also got some bonus hang-out time with Ben Lingard- that was super cool. My whole family wants me to marry him... Weird.

The whole drive back was filled with thoughts that I wanted to say here... You know how you think of "Whoo! I SOOO want to talk about this on my website!!" randomly? Yeah, that was me. BUT, as luck would have it, I can't remember anything that I wanted to say. Crap.

Wait! I just remembered something... I wanted to talk about high school friends.

I guess everyone gets to the point where they simply just don't talk to their old friends- too changed, too busy, too whatever. Well, I was pretty proud of the resilience of my friends... We at least would have one night to catch up every time I went back to The Pass. This time-- I tried. I made the phone calls: Steve, Stephen, Marti, Luis, Albert, Thomas, etc. But, we all had other stuff going on- stuff with the family, stuff with much closer friends. I am not upset by this necessarily- I just found it interesting that I finally got to the point where the only heart-string left to hold me oh-so-desperately tightly to El Paso is my parents. And the weird thing about that is I'm totally cool with that... I always thought that we would be friends forever, you know, Saved By the Bell style. But, interestingly enough, you really do only talk to the people that you were extremely close to... a concept I never believed would happen to us.

I mean, I didn't even go to Chico's! That's just insane. But, as I said with Jesse Clark on the phone... he asked why I was only in El Paso for a few days whereas all the others are there for their whole break from college... This was my reply: "Well, I'm an Austin girl now." Meaning, why the crap would I stay in El Paso forever when everything that I have is in Austin? Job, school, my apartment, everything I own, etc. I do desperately miss my parents all the time, but we talk on the phone AT LEAST twice a week... So even that is taken care of.

I don't really know what point I am trying to make- well, I do... But I am finding that the words aren't being typed as well as I had anticipated. In any case- I love you all SO MUCH, but there comes a point when you move on and make your own life.

And high school is NOT my life.

In the words of Straylight Run... I was "holding on to the memory of what didn't last."

Straylight Run - Now It's Done

dollface

THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!! MAKE YOUR OWN DOLL. Thanks Haley.

This is me as a dollface:

mormonsarehot

I forgot to announce on ol' Infamous Dance that I am now an official DJ at KVRX... you can stream my show starting sometime in January-- every Wednesday from 3-4pm. DO IT.

Here's my new shirt- I think it's been making a splash:



I finished all my Christmas shopping today. You aren't interested, I can tell.

Goodnight.

okokok

Ok, ok, ok, OK. I admit it. I was the rebound girl.

Ahhhhhh... Feels good to say it.

So, I totally fell for this guy who had just broke up with his girlfriend and swore up and down that he liked me and "didn't want me to be the rebound girl"... (see? we even talked about it too! Sad, really.)

Oh, and it was SO painful. We still talk and smile and hug etc., etc. I am beginning to realize why all my friends said that probably shouldn't be the case.

He gives me these perfect hugs. Oh, if you had one, you'd understand why I have such a hard time letting it go. He picks me up and squeezes me- I giggle... I have tried to not emit said giggles many a time, but somehow they still come out.

I am still not sure how we went from what we were to what we are. I don't think I'll ever know... I know he won't offer the information, and I am too chicken/lame/whatever to ask why... (not like I don't already know why- I just want to hear it from the boy, you know...)

Oh my goodness. Those HUGS. Perfect! I don't know how he can interact with me all the time and not realize how freaking awesome I am and how happy I could make him. I know that sounds conceited/egocentric/whatever but I don't give a crap. We would be so rockin'.

EFF THAT.

*Never an answered/returned phone call (even when relatively important...)
*Never an explanation as to why the sudden freeze
*Totally, totally, totally used.

Enough said. I think I have plenty more bullets (never appreciating things I make/say/do, lack of opening doors for me, etc. etc.) but I have to admit that I am forcing myself to think badly of the guy. Even still! Makes me sick.

So many boys that treat me so much better. And STILL!

My favorite thing said this past weekend (by my awesome brother, Derek): "My sister is NOT someone's string-along girl!"

Damn right bro. I'm done. Yeah, no more "And STILL!"...

(In absolute truth, I still get butterflies when I see him, and I am absolutely broken hearted, but I refuse to suffer one moment longer...)

I AM NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS.

So, in lighter news- Katie and I decorated our Christmas tree. Wanna see? Yes, you do.

This is me and Bean putting the crowning glory up- Our own little hick angel. HOT.


These are our stockings. Bean is Spongebob and I am Spidey.


We got this rockin' tree skirt that came with stickers to make your own holiday message. This is ours:


And this is the beautiful final product! (After a couple trips to H.E.B., a cheese and Wheat Thins break, and the Special Edition Aladdin DVD...)


Ok. So me and the aforementioned boy are still going to be cool of course, but to close the "in love/like/whatever" chapter- I am going to give one final broken heart song for ya'll to mourn with. Yes, I realize it is K.D. Lang, but I maintain that broken hearts are universal across the sexual orientations.

K.D. Lang - Crying

Tonight: KVRX Club Night @ Emo's. (Bobby Conn Inside Show, Les George Leningrads, Oh, Beast!) See you there- and please, please, please- accept the matchbooks, stickers, and pins that we give you. Your acceptance equals our continued batch of free shows. Thanks.