missionmadness

I am not mad.

I am petrified to tell you the truth.

When I was at work yesterday, I discovered that I am only going to be living in Austin for a mere 7 months and 20 days more. This really freaked me out.

I had already been thinking a lot about "What happens with these people when I never see them again?"

There are only a few that I actually care about (not in the "We're not friends now" sense, more like the "I know that it wouldn't be crazy if I saw you in the grocery store 10 years from now- we'd just say hi" sense.). I was almost completely consumed with thoughts of this, because, as I'm sure us older kids realize, time goes by SO fast, and 7 months is pretty much NO TIME AT ALL.

I am graduating from UT the third weekend of May; the fourth weekend I am going to New York City with my sister; after that- I am going to stay with my parents in El Paso for a few weeks and then I am off to serve a mission for my Church (most likely the first week of July). I will be doing missionary work for 18 months (a year and a half); I'll come back to normal life, get a job (with some sort of audio production twist), hopefully find someone who loves me for who I really am, and have lots (4?) of little boys that look like miniature versions of us. Oh, and an awesome dog. Some sort of terrier. (Yorkshire? Westie? Jack Russell? Bull? Scottie?)

Well, that's my plan anyway. I realize that life doesn't always go as planned (freaking crap, if life always went as planned- I would have been married to Thomas right now, crazy!)... But at least that's the blueprint for now.

It seems so simple, yet I'm completely terrified. I really wanted to talk about everything with someone last night- and poor Katie always has to hear my crap so I didn't want to burden her with it all. It seems however, that she is one of the few people that I really can be myself around. That aren't family anyway. There are like 5 or so in Austin, a few that I had in El Paso that are now all over the country... That's about it. Everyone else-- I just feel vulnerable and like I am required to be entertaining.