Alexa's Funeral

Well. Alexa's funeral was really beautiful. It was extremely hard for everyone. You know, when I left for Texas (made possible by my amazing home teacher, Spencer Nam), I thought I was going to be the stalwart pillar of strength for my family. Then... well... I was in shambles. Seeing her little face everywhere. I think that every little girl I see is her for an instant. I touched her hand, and I started then to miss her so much. I know that I've already said this, but I can truly feel the shimmer of the world decrease without her presence in it. I am having a tough time, but I know that it is nothing compared to what Crys and Zack are feeling. I could never comprehend that, and, selfishly, I hope I never have to. They are amazing and I am very proud to have such strong people in my family.

I have posted the slideshow tribute played at Alexa's funeral below. Crys described the funeral in her last post on Alexa's site:

Yesterday was beautiful. Everything was perfect, as it should be for a princess. The church was filled with pink flowers in honor of our girl. We had a table set up with many of her favorite things that I think people enjoyed seeing and touching. So many people came out to celebrate her life with us, many of whom wore pink for her- even men. Thank you.

I couldn't believe how many people were there sitting in the chapel all to support us. What was most touching to Zack and I was the genuine love everyone felt for Alexa. We loved her so much and to see that so many people came not just to support us as her parents but truly to grieve for themselves over the loss of Alexa was deeply moving to us.

The music was perfect, the slide show Colleen stayed up all night to put together was heart wrenchingly wonderful, Kirsten, my father and John all did an amazing job telling of our little girl and how wonderful she was. I gave my talk about her and although it was difficult at times I had to do it. As I said at the beginning, no one could talk about my baby better than her mommy. Zack told me he thought it was perfect and I said everything he would have said so I felt good about that.

Her spirit was strongly with us yesterday as we honored her memory.

The hardest part for Zack and I was seeing her little friends cry. They all came up to us with tear stained cheeks and hugged us several times. I held onto them and tried to let them know how much they meant to our daughter. They brought her laughter and love and most of all a friendship she will never forget. Nor will we and we love those kids more than we can say. Being close to them makes me feel close to her.

The service was beautiful and afterwards we had a nice family lunch provided by the church. There were pink flowers on every table. It was nice to sit and talk and love on all my nephews and cousins.

From there we headed to Alexa's graveside. Her headstone has been up for almost a year so it was nice to have that for people to see. It has her name on it, a crown and then the quote I picked for her: 'If love could have kept you here, you would never have gone.' So true.

After a prayer, some friends help pass out 50 pink balloons. One for every month she was alive. Alexa loved getting balloons just so she could run outside and let them go. She was funny that way. On the count of three all the children and several more let go and they floated up together toward heaven. It was really neat. A friend was kind enough to take pictures and send them to me. I posted a few here. There were many others over the country who let go of balloons for Alexa too. As a friend of hers told me yesterday, she will get every one of them.

Thank you to everyone for your love and support and encouragement. Thank you for loving our daughter. Thank you for making her life one filled with incredible memories and fun times. I have gotten every gift and every flower and every donation. Forgive me for not sending thank you cards, but know that they are all appreciated.

As we strive to learn how to live in our new life we will be taking time off to be away by ourselves. I have told several we are going into hiding. We will be okay. Our love for each other is strong and our love for our son is immense. He is a living tribute to Alexa.

And with that I close this journal. It has been a long and wonderful 2 1/2 years. Thank you for being with us on this journey.

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www.meandmyzacks.blogspot.com